Why do we avoid love? Why do we stay in a relationship when we know it’s not good for us? Or when we know it’s over? Why do we avoid saying the words “I love you” even when we know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, it’s what we feel? The answer to all these questions is the same. Oh the reason why might be different, but under it all it’s the same thing – FEAR! We’re afraid of being hurt. We’re afraid of being alone. We’re afraid that our words will be rebuffed and we’ll be rejected. Unfortunately, this is a horrible place for us to be. It means we are existing, not living.
Fear causes us to pull inward rather than expanding out. It keeps us small. And that is the last thing we want to be when it comes to love. Love is big. It’s bold. It’s beautiful. It’s a combination of emotions, both volatile and life affirming, that connect us to another on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level. And that’s what makes it scary. Because it means handing over a piece of ourselves to another person and entrusting them to treat it with the reverence it deserves.
Unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen. People will hurt you. Sometimes you’ll be alone and lonely. Someone you care deeply about will reject you. And yes, that sucks! But don’t let it stop you from loving! You can’t control someone else’s feelings. You can only be responsible for yours. And if you understand this, you’ll recognize that being hurt, alone, or rejected becomes a choice. And you need to know that the other person may hurt you or reject you because they too are dealing with their fear of love.
But love isn’t something to be feared. It is something to be embraced. With a full and open heart. Do this despite the possibility of getting hurt. Love someone even if they choose not to love you back. Take the chance. Why? Because you won’t find love, if you don’t! It’s not going to magically knock on your door and say “here I am”. You’re going to have to go looking for it. You’re going to have to put yourself out there. You’re going to have to expose yourself. And yes, it will make you feel vulnerable. But isn’t that so much better than not feeling at all?
PS. I know from experience this is not easy. I’m currently dealing with feelings of rejection from someone I loved. A love which was not returned because he came at it from fear. Fear of being alone. And despite the fact that I was there for him, he couldn’t see past that fear to the love that was staring him right in the face. It happens. And it will take a bit for my heart to heal. But soon, I’ll be right back out there. Trying again. Jumping in with both feet and an open heart. Because love is a big part of what life is all about. – Pam XOXO
